Where have I been? What have I been doing?
I have been right here, behind my laptop, pecking away at the keys and making words appear on the screen and sending them to people. I have been right here, behind my laptop, working on my website (which I had planned to finish before the new year but evidently didn't). I have been right here, behind my laptop, playing an MMO and fearing for my virtual life each time I stepped foot outside of our palisade boundaries.
I have been here all along, accomplishing little, but planning big.
Maybe I just never had anything to write about? Surely, I could come up with something, but would it have been worth reading?
I guess it could have been worth reading, but neither you nor I would know that as I didn't write anything.
Now here I am, writing this entry which most likely will not be read, or only read partially. What exactly am I even writing about?
I am writing about things. Things which I am writing about. The reason behind my writing about things is unknown to you, but is it to me? Maybe I have nothing of value to write about. Maybe I shouldn't have wrote anything at all, and instead kept it balled up inside me... maybe it would've been better that way...
So lately I have been playing this game called Haven & Hearth. It's basically an economic simulator/MMO/do-whatever kind of game. It's pretty fun for the most part, but diving in alone and with no knowledge of how to play can be a daunting task.
I've wasted over two weeks of my life playing that game, and now I am just a little bit bored of it (it has gotten repetitive for me a bit). I'm sure I'll still play as I kind of feel obligated to as I have a responsibility (ha) to uphold in my village.
What I should be doing is studying for my GED. Education comes first, after all, but I cannot bring myself to do so.
I have never darkened the halls of a school before, at least not for learning purposes. I was homeschooled throughout my lifetime and so I must get my GED if I have any hopes of getting a life in the future. Did I mention that the internet basically is my life right now? I haven't much of one offline.
Maybe you already knew all of this, and maybe you don't really care. Do I care that you might not care? Obviously not, otherwise I wouldn't have written this at all. If you're reading this, you obviously have a desire to continue reading (unless I've lost you at this point, then feel free to drop off and never come back (don't actually never come back)).
Maybe you already knew I've been working on a website to replace the void in my life which OverByte left. Maybe you know that I wanted to finish it before the new year (if you read the third paragraph of this blog you would know) but failed.
I really haven't worked on the site since Christmas eve. Gotten sidetracked with Christmas gifts and the game I mentioned above.
I have the desire to finish it, I just lack the motivation for it. I actually did open Notepad++ and wanted to work on it yesterday, but as soon as I did, that little bit of motivation was murdered.
What would motivate me to finish it, or at least work on it? Probably if I knew that people would visit it regularly, or if I was inspired by something to finish it.
Sure, it'd be nice to have your creation get popular, but if you're doing something you love, and completing it is a major achievement for you, then you would think popularity wouldn't matter as much.
Maybe it doesn't matter. I want to finish it. I am aware of the possibility that it will never get its feet off the ground and I still want to finish it. So what's the problem?
Motivate me.
It's the same with game making anymore. I get an idea in my head and figure out exactly how I want it to be, so I open up Game Maker. As soon as it opens, I lose all motivation, down to the very last little sliver that is hiding waaaaaaaay down there. "There" being somewhere that's pretty far.
So what have I really been doing? Procrastinating.
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